NonStop America
by CrunchyHetalia
Summary: To say that America is a big country would be putting it lightly. There is over 3 million square miles of land total distributed among fifty states. Texas itself is probably the size of several European countries combined, and Alaska? Not even comparable. But England forgot that in an argument, which led to the bet: Can you survive on a road trip through the great U.S. of the A.?
1. Chapter 1

SUMMARY To say that America is a big country would be putting it lightly. There is over 3 million square miles of land total distributed among fifty states. Texas itself is probably the size of several European countries combined, and Alaska? Not even comparable. But England forgot that in an argument, which led to the bet: Can you survive on a road trip through the great U.S. of the A.? England says yes. America, in a split-second decision, decides that yes, the countries will go on a road trip through his country just to prove his rival wrong. The other countries are skeptical, but decide to tag along to see what happens.  
The moral of the story? Never take a bet with the United States of America. It will only end in chaos and loads of fast food.

Characters: America, England, France, Japan, Germany, Italy, Prussia, Russia, Spain, Romano Pairings: None that the eye can see Warnings: Rated PG-13 for implied cussing, angst, rude humor, and general mayhem

CHAPTER ONE: And So It Begins

"Why am I here?" grumbled Romano.  
"The bet, remember?" said Germany while making sure Italy hadn't wandered off.  
"I know why!" shot Romano. "I was just- Oh, never mind, you $& # potato eater!"  
The comment was drowned out by the bustling crowd around the group. People were racing to make it to their planes on time, staring into cell phone screens, and nervously checking the clock. Also known as: The John F. Kennedy International Airport. Romano, Germany, and Italy had just gotten off of the plane to New York and were waiting for England, France, Spain, Prussia, and Russia to get off as well.  
"Hello," a quiet voice said from behind the trio. The three jumped and saw that Canada had arrived. Japan was with him, having taken an earlier plane to New York.  
And why exactly were some of the countries in New York? That, dear reader, is a very good question.

-This flashback is brought to you by Romano's curl-

It all started with a bet.  
"My country is perfectly fine!" England had fumed at America during a chaotic world meeting. "Tourists don't come to where there isn't anything to see, you $& !"  
"Oh, puh-lease," said America with a scoff. "What is there to see? Your continent is the size of my country!"  
Do you need some aloe vera for that burn? thought Canada while hiding his smile with his hand.  
"I agree with America," said Japan softly. England looked like he'd just sucked on a particularly sour lemon. However, before he could retort, Prussia chimed in.  
"That's actually kind of true. I bet you couldn't last on a road trip through the whole country!" Prussia had been to America, so he grudgingly agreed that the country was huge. He'd driven for five hours once, but he hadn't managed to drive out of the state that he'd been staying at. America was huge with a capital "h". An evil grin slowly blossomed on America's face.  
"Yeah, Iggy," America had said, "I bet you couldn't last on a road trip through my entire country." England glared.  
"Of course I could! And don't call me that!" Then, he noticed the look on Alfred's face. "Wait, what are you planning-"

"ALRIGHT, GUYS!" America had boomed. "ROAD TRIP! ANYONE'S INVITED… IF THEY CAN SURVIVE THE TRIP!" He'd then burst out laughing. England was shell-shocked. But he wasn't about to just disregard the bet entirely.

"Fine," he said. "I'll come on a road trip." America looked shocked. "However," England continued, "if I do manage to take the whole trip with a few other people," he said, turning to some of the other countries, "then you have to stop bothering me about my history for a month."  
America dramatically acted like he was thinking it through. Then, he smiled and shrugged. "Works for me!" But then, he leaned over the wooden table, still grinning madly.  
"But if you can't survive the trip, or if you leave in the middle of it…" America paused for suspense. "... Then you have to rejoin the EU."  
The other countries were alarmed. England had very loudly left the European Union and America had been as shocked as everyone else. America wasn't trying to make England rejoin the EU for personal benefit; it was just that England had been through quite a lot in deciding to secede from the Union. It would be a very infuriated England that would rejoin the EU… if he took and lost the bet.  
Of course, England's rivalry with America prevented him from turning down the bet. Alfred not bothering him for a whole month was very tempting… And, it couldn't be so bad to tour the US. How hard could it be?  
"You've got yourself a deal," said England curtly. The two countries shook hands and the bet was made.

-Back to your man-

England stepped off the plane and stretched. How had he gotten himself into this situation? Next time America tried to make a bet, he would reject it forcefully. However, for now, he decided that he should make the most of it. He was actually quite thankful that several other countries wanted to partake the road trip challenge as well. Not that he would admit it.  
He would admit that the group looked like quite a strange crowd. They had all agreed that it wouldn't be necessary to wear their usual suits or, Merlin forbid, their stuffy military uniforms. England himself was wearing a simple Doctor Who-themed t-shirt and a pair of dark jeans. Spain was wearing a tomato-red shirt and khaki shorts. France was in a white polo shirt and navy dress pants. Prussia was, for some reason, wearing a bright yellow shirt and black shorts. Russia didn't have anything else in his wardrobe, so he'd come in his usual coat. Everyone had steered clear of the large country, who would be in a foul mood after silently boiling for many hours on the plane.  
"We need to get our luggage," said England to France, Spain, Prussia, and Russia. And so they did. Except Russia.  
"I can't find my bags," said Russia in his usual cheerful voice (that sent a trickle of fear down the spines of most countries).  
"Let's find Ame- Alfred first and find out what to do," England replied. Eventually, the group found Germany, Romano, Italy, Japan, and Canada at the main lobby.  
England sighed. They would look quite strange, indeed. Germany was fine, of course, wearing a black shirt and faded jeans. Romano was also decent, with a grey shirt and khaki pants. Canadia (Was that his name?) was in his usual red hoodie and jeans. Japan was in a simple grey shirt and jean shorts. No, Italy was the problem. He was wearing a bright salmon-colored shirt and neon-yellow shorts. Not to mention that he was also sporting a neon-green cap. He looked like a walking billboard sign.  
"So, where's Alfre-" Spain began.  
"HEY, GUYS! WAS THE TRIP ALRIGHT?"  
The group of ten turned to see two men. One was America and the other was… America? The countries saw, after several double-takes, that there seemed to be two Americas, with the exception of one of the duo being shorter than the other. Other than height and clothing, the two were mirror images of each other. Perhaps the shorter man's hair was slightly longer. The shorter man was also wearing a white shirt with an apple on it and jeans. The taller man was wearing a white shirt and khakis. And both men's eyes were America's through and through.  
"Er…" stammered Germany. "Which of you is Alfred?"  
"Oh, that's me! The awesomer one!" the taller America said.  
"What?! No! I'm the awesomer one!" shot the shorter man. "Just 'cuz you're the dad doesn't mean that you're automatically better!"  
"Well, you're pretty awesome, but all of that awesomeness has to come from somewhere! Meaning me!"  
The two began to bicker lightly before they finally relented.  
"Whatever," the shorter man sighed. He turned to the countries and grinned. "I'm New York!" Then, he spotted England.  
"Wait a minute… You're England?" said New York, narrowing his eyes dangerously. England couldn't help but gulp.  
"Yes, I am," he replied. Before New York could say anything, he turned to America. "Russi- Ivan couldn't find his luggage. Where do we have to go to retrieve it?"  
"Oh," said America, grin faltering slightly. "Sorry, man," he said, turning to Russia. "The airports here are pretty crazy. If it's gone, it's gone. Know what I mean?"  
Russia smiled creepily. "I guess. But I do need clothes. This coat isn't suitable for this weather. If you know what I mean."  
America chuckled nervously. "Alright then, we'll let you visit a souvenir shop on our way out. I'm sure there's some t-shirts there." Then, his grin returned full force. "But first, let's check out our ride!" He winked, pulling out and twirling a key chain. "I got us a great auto! Perfect for road trips like these! C'mon, follow me out here!"

-le Mini Timeskip-

"We're traveling for several months… in that?" England had just seen the "great auto" and there it was, in all of its glory: a white van. A very small, very beat-up white van.  
America pouted tremendously and patted the grimy vehicle. "Are you judging this poor car? What did this ever do to you?" No one quite knew how to respond to that. Then the silence was broken.  
"There's twelve of us," said Germany in exasperation, rubbing his temples. "I'm sure even a van like that can only fit eight."  
"We could always cheat and have four people in the back seat," America said, shrugging. "And New York agreed that he'd sit between the driver's seat and shotgun."  
"When did I-" New York fumed, but America bulldozed on.  
"And we could always throw some people in the trunk. No one's gonna die, so no biggie!" finished America, who then burst into peals of laughter.  
"Are you sure about that?" asked France, raising a blonde eyebrow. America ignored him. He recovered from his laughing fit and turned to Russia.  
"Let's go get your shirts," he said, gesturing New York over with them. "As for the rest of you, choose a seat!"  
The three left. The remaining countries stood in silence for about five seconds. Then, chaos ensued as they fought for the seats. There was absolutely no way any of them would sit in the trunk. America had said no one would die back there, but no one wanted to take their chances.

-Now to Mother Russia-

"No, I'm not wearing that. I don't like this city. Not at all." New York was holding up a "I heart NY" t-shirt for Russia to inspect. He pouted.  
"Well, screw you too, man!" he replied angrily. He stuffed the shirt back onto the rack a pulled out a large Mickey Mouse shirt. He shoved it into Russia's hands. "Better? Or do you need more, your Royal Commie Highness?"  
"Дa. Much." New York was still pouting as America paid for the shirt. He would be even more put out, however, when he returned to the van.

-And back to your man-

"I refuse! I will kill you, Spain!" Romano shouted.  
"I like this as much as you do, Lovi, but we don't have a choice-"  
"Of course we have a choice, tomato $& €£¥#!"  
"The choice between what? Sitting on the floor?"  
"YOU-"  
"Woah, man!" said America. He'd just returned with New York and Russia. No one was brave (or foolish) enough to comment on the shirt.  
America scanned the situation. Canada, without anyone noticing, had managed to claim the front seat. The middle seat had a very smug France at the window seat, England on the other end of the seat, and an uncomfortable-looking Japan in between. In the back seat, Italy was at the window seat, Germany was next to him, and Prussia was seated beside him. Spain and Romano (mostly Romano) were fighting because the trunk was the only space left.  
America took the initiative. He opened the doors of the trunk and began stacking the suitcases as neatly as he could. There was just barely room for two people after the virtual game of Tetris. America then grabbed Romano and Spain by the collars and quite literally threw them into the trunk before shutting it. When he opened the door to the driver's seat, he was met with an onslaught of Italian curses and a surprisingly icy glare. He laughed. "You're welcome!" New York sighed and finally decided to allow himself to sit awkwardly on the floor between the driver's seat and the front seat. He could just barely see over the dashboard.  
America turned around and realized the Russia hadn't boarded yet. "C'mon, Ivan!" he called.  
Russia inspected the seats. He then sat next to Prussia, where there was obviously more room. England almost let out a sigh of relief. Prussia, however…  
Prussia, the moment that Russia had made a beeline for the seat next to him, had begun scooting to his left. Now, he was practically on Germany's lap as he tried to discreetly get further away from the large Russian (although there was now a good six inches between the two countries). Germany looked like he was trying not to punch Prussia. America pretended not to notice. "Alrighty!" he crowed, ramming the key into the ignition and starting up the van. "Are y'all ready?"  
He received little to no response.  
"Okay, then! Let's go!"

Authors' Note: If you thought this chapter was long… You won't survive the next one. *evil laughter* Just a reminder: This story is a trip through ALL FIFTY STATES so there will be AT LEAST 51 chapters in this (assuming that we finish this). Do not keep reading if you're not prepared to commit to this for maybe a year or two. Or more.

(EDIT) Thank you to the reviewer who informed us about the song lyric thing!


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER TWO: A Museum and Off-Key Singing**

 **Characters: America, England, France, Japan, Germany, Italy, Prussia, Russia, Spain, Romano**

 **Pairings: None that the eye can see**

 **Warnings: Rated PG-13 for implied cussing, angst, rude humor, and general mayhem**

 **CHAPTER TWO: A Museum and Off-Key Singing**

"So, where are we going first?" asked Italy. He seemed to be the only one that was truly enthusiastic.

"I don't know," America admitted. "Where should we head first, Yankee?"

"Dunno," confessed New York. "Maybe the American Museum of Natural History?"

America shrugged. "Hey, why not?" He pulled out his phone and began typing the destination into the GPS. France peered over the other nation's shoulder and gasped.

" _Mon dieu_! An hour for nineteen miles?"

"That's traffic for ya," New York shrugged. "It's horrible. Be thankful that this isn't quite rush hour anymore." The van pulled out of the Kennedy International Airport and began to head out. The long and chaotic road trip was now officially beginning. Even the mess at the airport had been quite stressful. Would England really survive several months in a car with ten other countries and a state?

 _We'll have to find out, then_ , England thought.

 **-Small Timeskip-**

"So," said Spain to break the awkward silence that had settled over the nations and state. They'd been driving for five minutes.

"Way ahead of you, dude!" America said far too loudly. He pulled a disk out of the storage compartment and slid it into the CD player. The first song began playing.

 _How does a b*******, orphan, son of a w****_

 _And a Scotsman, dropped in the middle of a forgotten spot in the Caribbean by providence impoverished, in squalor_

 _Grow up to to be a hero and a scholar?_

"Wait," England began, "don't tell me this is-"

 _The ten-dollar founding father without a father_

 _Got a lot farther by working a lot harder_

 _By being a lot smarter_

 _By being a self-starter_

 _By fourteen, they placed him in charge of a trading charter_

"I think I've heard this one before," said Canada softly.

 _And every day while the slaves were being slaughtered and carted_

 _Away across the waves, he struggled and kept his guard up_

 _Inside, he was longing for something to be a part of_

 _The brother was ready to beg, steal, borrow, or barter_

"The tune does sound familiar," Japan agreed.

 _Then a hurricane came, and devastation reigned_

 _Our man saw his future drip, dripping down the drain_

 _Put a pencil to his temple, connected it to his brain_

 _And he wrote his first refrain, a testament to his pain_

 _Well, the word got around, they said, "This kid is insane, man"_

 _Took up a collection just to send him to the mainland_

" _Get your education, don't forget from whence you came, and_

 _The world's gonna know your name._

 _What's your name, man?"_

"ALEXANDER HAMILTON!" America and New York roared with the soundtrack. "MY NAME IS ALEXANDER HAMILTON! AND THERE'S A MILLION THINGS I HAVEN'T DONE! BUT JUST YOU WAIT~ JUST YOU WAIT~"

England groaned and buried his face in his hands. "Are you trying to mock me?" America and New York ignored him and continued singing.

The Bad Friends Trio finally figured out what was up and began singing along as well, just to annoy England. (The fact that they were off-key didn't help very much, either.) The van was soon filled with sounds that no sane person would call "music". Japan grimaced and glanced back at Germany, who looked ready to strangle someone. Namely Prussia, who was bellowing the _Hamilton_ theme song right next to his ear.

 _This is going to be a long hour_ , thought the Asian country.

 **-Another lil' Timeskip-**

 _Finally, it's over_ , thought England as America maneuvered the van into a car park. The _Hamilton_ soundtrack had been playing on loop for the last hour and England had been at his wit's end. Not only because of the general main idea of the songs, but because some of the countries, plus a state, had been butchering the tunes quite a bit as they sung along. The nations and state stepped out of the van and began following New York outside. The moment that they reached the outdoors, New York suddenly grinned ear-to-ear and spread out his arms.

"Ah, New York City!" he sighed happily. "The city of lights, dreams, and culture! Man, I love myself!" A passersby stared at New York like he'd grown two extra heads and then hurried off, looking very annoyed.

"Well, then," New York said, seeming to calm down a little, "I guess we should be off! Natural History Museum's this way."

The twelve weren't walking for long when they spotted the American Museum of Natural History. Everyone (minus America and New York) couldn't hold back a collective gasp.

It was very difficult to miss. The front was massive and the doors were underneath an equally large window. Four gargantuan pillars topped with snow-white statues were lined up in front of pure white marble walls. France whistled with appreciation, and England gave a grudging nod of acknowledgement as well. The twelve men then made their way in, had their pockets checked by the guards, and entered the museum.

"Wow. That's a huge dinosaur," said Spain. The dinosaur was indeed huge. It's neck was longer than three Ivans on top of each other and the equally long tail protruding out behind it. The rib cage could probably hold five Francises with room to spare.

"No way, Sherlock," Romano sneered at Spain.

New York ignored them both and pointed upwards. "Look at them beautiful ceilings! All of those circles!" Italy and Romano burst out laughing. The group could barely make out Italy saying something about a "Sistine Chapel" ceiling. No one paid them any mind.

"Hey, where's _mein bruder_?" Prussia shrieked. Much to everyone's surprise, Germany was missing.

"I would have expected this out of Italy, but not out of _Allemagne_ ," said France with raised eyebrows.

Italy had calmed down by now and pointed towards a far wall. "I think that's Germany right there!" Indeed, it was. Germany, once realizing that this group would probably not even take a museum seriously, had begun wandering off a little. He'd been reading some writing chiseled on the wall when the group had realized that he was gone.

He didn't voice it when he returned to the ragtag gang, but Germany had a feeling that this would be a very long day. It didn't take a genius to figure that out.

 **Note: Okay, this was a little short, but this is New York City. The division was kind of wierd to put anywhere else... There will be more. Much more. We will try to write faster (and more productively) so that you guys don't have so much of a wait next time. New York will probably take a few more chapters, so time to redo my estimation of how long this fic will be: Maybe more like 100-150 chapters if this gets finished. Hopefully, it does. Anyway, it won't be an easy write or a read, so thank you to all of you readers, and we always appreciate your feedback and support! Again, thanks, guys! :D**

 **In response to some guest reviewers, each of the 50 states have different governments and stereotypes. Even states right next to each other have very different peoples, after all the US is a very diverse place. Also it is cannon in Hetalia that Japan's districts( or regions or whatever) are personified, so I think it makes sense that the states could have personification. Yes New York is in fact older, he refers to America as Dad mostly b/c he thinks it's funny. Also the Romano thing completely slipped my mind, but yes he already would have met the states. But there are 50 which is a lot of people to remember.**

 **Thank you so much! I will try to do my best with the personalities on the states. I am reading a book on each individual state. I will do my best with West Virginia. WV is one of the states I have been previously developing for a while. And thank you for the reminder! Im trying to find people from these states for stuff, thats why NY is like he is. Im basing part of his personalty off of a friend from there ( she is kinda uhh interesting)**

 **PLEASE KNOW THAT THE STATE PERSONIFICATIONS ARE FOR FUN AND I DO NOT MEAN TO OFFEND! IF YOU FEEL SOMETHING ABOUT A STATE IS WRONG PLEASE TELL ME!**


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER THREE: Near Misses and Shots Fired**

The twelve began by moving through the first floor of the Museum with the help of a map that England had picked up at the entrance. They began at the Scales of the Universe. A huge sphere sat at the middle of the room, which was, according to the information panels along the railings, 26.5 meters (or 87 feet) in diameter. This represented the sun and the planets, other stars, and galaxies surrounding, all perfectly to scale. For example, the planet Jupiter was 2.7 meters (9 feet) in diameter while Earth was a mere 24 centimeters (9.5 inches). This was all very fascinating, at least to England, Germany, Canada, and perhaps Spain. The rest of them were just talking about whether or not it would be possible to literally "scale" the models.

"You'd have to be a flippin' _gecko_ to climb that!" exclaimed America in response to a comment from Prussia. "Or use suction cups, at least!"

"Fine, but how about that dinosaur we saw earlier?" Prussia said with a conspiratorial grin. "That'd be easy to climb!" Canada was beginning to get a bad feeling about the direction of the conversation, but before he could voice it, England announced that they were then going to head to the Akeley Hall of African Mammals.

And so they did. To be honest, other than some limited fascination at the animals, some select few (namely the Bad Touch Trio, America, and New York) sometimes led the conversation off to different directions. For example, Italy questioning Germany about how the animals were placed in the displays turned into a gore-filled horror story as New York explained just exactly how the animals were killed and stuffed. Italy was practically in tears by the time the group ended up in the Asian Mammals exhibit.

" _D'accord_ ," said France while inspecting a towering elephant, "so, _theoretically_ , if I bought an elephant as a pet, how expensive would that be?"

"Too much, Francis," England immediately replied. " _Way. Too. Much._ "

America then tried to get Japan to explain all of the animals to him, to which Japan politely explained that he being an Asian nation did not mean that he knew _every little thing about the rest of Asia. He was not the entirety of Asia._ He was an _island._

After that, the group passed into the Hall of Birds of the World. Again, it was rather uneventful, except for Prussia, Spain, and America enthusiastically imitating King Penguins (squawking, waddling, and all). The Hall of Mexico and Central America was enjoyed a little bit more as the countries and state admired the gold and jade objects. The Hall of African Peoples would've been easier to tour if Egypt, Cameroon, or any other African nation had been there. However, the countries that were present did manage to silently (surprise) take everything in. America even decided to take a few pictures with his cellphone to show the previously mentioned nations later.

"Hey," America said after snapping a picture of an elaborate mask. "You know, I think I showed Egypt these, once. He told me to stop taking his stuff."

"Well, stealing _is_ rude," England responded.

"Wow, hypocrite," America said while giving England an annoyed look.

The South American People's exhibit was really just terror. (Then again, that's the only thing that's been happening so far, hasn't it?)

"Hey, dad," said New York, "remember that last time when you visited South America and came back with a huge bite mark? How'd you get that, again?" America looked confused for a second, then caught a glimpse of the European nations' shocked faces. He caught on immediately.

"Oh, _that_ ," America replied with a dismissive wave of his hand, hiding a wicked smile. "That was just a piranha. I was lucky."

" _Lucky_?!" said England incredulously. He may not have known much about South American River animals, but he _definitely_ knew about piranhas.

"Yup," America said with a shrug. "I was lucky that an electric eel didn't get me. Or an anaconda."

"Or a Goliath bird-eating spider," said New York.

"Or a caiman*."

"Ooh, that would've been bad. Or a poison dart frog."

"Oh, please, York. Pit vipers."

"Dad. Jaguar."

"Alright. Bullet ant*?"

"Bullet ant. Or Amazonian giant centipede."

"Is South America a $& %?!# death trap?" Romano finally shrieked. America turned to the Italian, plus the other Europeans who were all either very pale or looked slightly sick.

"Please," said America. "That's pretty much everywhere except Europe."

"Okay…?" said Germany. America and New York almost lost it right then and there at the slight waver in the taller man's voice (MACHO MAN IS SPOOKED). Then (to the immense relief of the European nations), the group decided to head down to the first floor via escalator and they found themselves in the Bernard Family Hall of North American Mammals.

"Okay, what the $& # is a buffalo?" Romano asked, staring at the towering creature.

"Good eatin'," said America with a disturbing look of pleasure on his face.

"It's like a sheep, but not!" New York added unhelpfully. Romano stared at the duo. Then, he glared at them and huffed.

"You both are useless."

After seeing the pronghorn and coyote, the group approached the Alaskan Moose display. America, Canada, and New York exchanged meaningful looks. Then, they launched into stories of terror about the most violent moose attacks that they could think of.

"-and then the moose charged at the guy, ramming him into a tree, and you should've heard the crack, it was _really loud_ -" said Canada, wincing.

"But they look so friendly!" said Italy, looking scandalized. America, NY, and Canada stared at Italy like he'd lost his mind. It was just one crisis after another from there.

Kumajiro, who had been smuggled in (somehow) by Canada, had poked his head out of the red sweater that his owner was wearing. America decided to use this opportunity and did something very intelligent: He grabbed the little polar bear, lifted him up to the grizzly bear display, and said something that he would soon regret.

"Look, it's you! But cooler!" Kuma was then very stuck to America via teeth to arm.

After the bear was finally pried off of America's forearm (by a very exasperated owner), Russia, who had been quiet thus far, began to chuckle. Then, Kumajiro latched himself onto Russia's arm. Russia sighed at the ball of fur that seemed very reluctant to detach itself.

"Not again."

 **-Timeskip, because I'm awful at logical transitions-**

Despite the chaos several minutes before (Kumajiro was now safely in Canada's hoodie), Gottesman Hall of Planet Earth was quite enjoyable. Most of the geological specimens (basically just rocks) were fascinating, and - even better - some of them could be touched. After patting an especially large chunk of rock, Prussia turned, spread his arms out towards the globe in the center of the room, and made an announcement.

"Wow, look at this huge hunk of rock we all call home!"

"Gilbert!" said France in mock horror. "Show some respect!"

"Careful," Spain laughed, "you're starting to sound like a hippie!"

"Hippie? _Moi_?"

"Yes, you, Frenchie," sniggered Prussia. As the trio began to banter, the rest of the group exchanged a look and collectively rolled their eyes. They were quite used to the three friends exchanging a semi-hostile word or two. They made up for it by having almost the best teamwork among the nations (but nearly always when annoying and/or pranking a common nemesis).

"Remember when we thought the world was flat, though?" said Spain with a laugh. The three were back to normal.

"Yes, I remember," England said with a roll of his eyes. "Close-minded lot, you were."

"Shut it, England; you didn't do anything," Spain and Romano retorted. And across the Atlantic Ocean, Portugal had the feeling that someone was taking credit for something he did (again).

The twelve eventually made their way into the Theodore Roosevelt Memorial Hall. America sighed happily.

"Wow," he said, "what a cool dude!" New York slowly turned to America. A strange look of severe disappointment was on the state's face.

"Just. A. Cool. Dude."

"Uh, well-" America tried to explain.

" _JUST_. A. COOL. DUDE."

"Oh no, guys, here he goes-"

"OH _NO_ , FATHER! Teddy Roosevelt was a gift to this country - no - the _WORLD_. He was the greatest cowboy! He connected oceans! He won battles! Theodore Roosevelt is the person EVERYONE should aspire to be! Never heard the stories of the rough riders, huh?!" New York flailed his arms.

"Uh, New York-" said America.

"How about the TEDDY bear?!"

"New York-"

"C'mon, you put me to shame, _father_! What an amazing man! Honestly, I thought he was immortal for quite a while, like, everyone knows that Teddy would get into a fistfight with death for his life! And HE. WOULD. _W I N_."

" _Oh_ -kay, kid, I think it's _time_ to _stop_ ," said America. New York, who was still gesticulating wildly, stared at America. He looked like he could rant further, but he did cut his speech short. He muttered a few choice words under his breath before resuming his admiration of the memorial. America looked a bit more stressed than what the other countries were used to seeing. Personally, Canada had some empathy for his brother to the south. His provinces weren't exactly calm people, either.

The Hall of Biodiversity, Milstein Hall of Ocean Life, North American Forests, and Warburg Hall of New York State Environment were less rowdy than expected of the nations. The Northwest Coast Indians exhibit, however, caused America and New York to lapse into a complete, uncomfortable silence. The tension was still there, even after Prussia cracked a few jokes about the monkeys in the Spitzer Hall of Human Origins.

"That's a lot of rocks," said Japan in the Hall of Minerals to try to ease the awkwardness. No one could really disagree with him.

Thankfully, the Americans were back to normal on the third floor. They smirked at the Europeans in the Reptiles and Amphibians exhibit; Italy whimpered and Germany visibly shuddered, as much as he tried to hide his terror. America then began to coo over how cute the snakes and lizards were. There was at least some amusement for the terrified nations, however.

"Hey, Bonnefoy," said England, bringing the Frenchman over to a display. "Look, it's you," he said, pointing at a poison dart frog.

"Very funny, black sheep," France retorted.

"Is that the best you've got?" replied England with a sneer.

"What, are you jealous of my obviously superior insults?"

"Of course not! You can't get jealous of something that's not there!"

" _Angleterre_ , I'm surprised at you. Keep your voice down. We're in a museum, we're going to get thrown out-"

"DON'T ACT LIKE YOU'RE THE PEACE MAKER HERE! YOU STARTED THE ARGUMENT!"

"But you're the one who insulted me first!"

"Oh, that was insulting to you? You're like that $& #% escargot of yours; you have no spine-"

"OH, JUST GO BURN LIKE YOUR COOKING, WOULD YOU?!"

"FRENCH F &&$#!"

"BRITISH #$&!"

"GUYS, YOU REALLY ARE GONNA GET US THROWN OUT, SO CAN YOU TWO JUST KEEP YOUR MOUTHS SEALED UNTIL WE GET OUT?" Everyone turned to Canada in shock. The young man in question blushed slightly and averted his gaze embarrassedly. Prussia snapped out of it first.

"Yo, pancake man, I think that's the quickest it's taken for anyone to calm them down." Canada managed a smile as a few chuckles rippled through the group. France and England did grudgingly agree to keep their mouths sealed for the time being. No one knew how long that would last, though.

In the Akeley Hall of African Mammals, America gave a strangled gasp when he saw the hippopotamus.

"Look, a toddler crusher!" he said.

" _Que_?" said Spain, looking very confused (he wasn't the only one). America's only reply was clapping his arms in a manner similar to a hippo mouth. No one really paid him any mind from that point on.

In the Sanford Hall of North American birds, Russia managed to indirectly call Gilbird (who was somehow still on Prussia's head) lame, thus causing Prussia to lash out at the taller nation very loudly. New York had to convince a guard nearby _not_ to throw them out of the museum.

The primates hall was where England and France broke their pact of silence.

"Hmm…" said America, scratching his chin. "Don't you think these monkeys have better fashion sense than England?" France nodded sagely. England, however, was not amused.

"THEY'RE NAKED."

"Is that not the point?" said France as if it were obvious. At this point, England just began yelling again, causing France to yell back. Everyone just sighed and continued on.

The Eastern Woodlands Indians and Plains Indians exhibits were just as awkward as the Northwest Coast Indians hall. Germany thought he'd heard New York mutter something about Rhode Island, but he tried not to think about it too much.

However, the mood picked up in the Hall of Pacific Peoples when America grinned and said, "Hey, Moana, anyone?" New York and America began to wildly fangirl, especially about Lin-Manuel Miranda. Japan sighed, but didn't say anything.

"I'm starving," Romano complained as the group rode the escalator up to the fourth and final floor.

"Well, you're in luck, dude," said America at the top. He pointed to an area in front of him. "There's a café right there." Once everyone had gotten off of the escalator, they got seated and decided on what to buy.

Before even seeing the prices, Germany reached a conclusion: "My inner Austria tells me that everything here is going to be far too overpriced." Indeed; the grilled chicken Caesar salad was $10.50 and a wrap was $8.90.

"How about we make China pay for it?" said Italy brightly. "Old people don't need their money!"

"... China isn't here, Italy-kun," said Japan.

"Oh, right! Then _you_ can pay for it!" Japan sighed mentally for about the tenth time that day. Then, he grudgingly got up and went to order everything that the group had ordered. Germany took the initiative and stood as well, offering to pay for half of it.

After that, the group headed to the final exhibits they'd see for the day: the ornithischian dinosaurs and saurischian dinosaurs. The ornithischian dinosaurs were quite interesting. Prussia, who knew a surprising bit about dinosaurs, talked a bit about how they could be the ancestors of the birds today. After admiring the fossils some more, America decided to point something out.

"Wow, stuff that's older than China!" A few chuckles rippled throughout the group. They moved on to the next exhibit.

Upon seeing the Tyrannosaurus rex, America said, "LOOK AT THE DINO!" He then whipped out an Indiana Jones hat out of nowhere and began singing the main theme very loudly. England elbowed him in the gut.

"I meant to tell you this earlier, but you can't keep making a scene!" scolded England.

"Uh, Iggy…"

"Really, you've just been a menace since we entered the museum! Listen to me, for once!"

"Dude, you should really turn around-"

"DO NOT INTERRUPT ME, YOUNG MAN!"

"WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU THREE DOING UP THERE?!" Germany yelling caught England's attention. Then, a wave of dread swept over him like a tidal wave. He slowly turned around on the spot to where America was pointing.

France, Prussia, and Spain were climbing.

Specifically, the Tyrannosaurus rex fossil.

"GET OFF OF THERE!" Shouted England, running up to the display. The dinosaur wasn't too tall, thank goodness, but that didn't mean it was alright. Miraculously, the metal supports holding the remains of the dinosaur together were not failing under the weight of both the bones and three nations.

"Scram before the cops come!" said New York to the Bad Touch Trio. He then continued to urge them to get down before the police could catch them. Too late. Guards were pouring into the exhibit as they heard the ruckus and were yelling at the three to get down, adding to the din.

"Alright, fine, fine," whined Prussia, jumping down from the skull. "I'm getting off! See?" Once all three countries had dismounted the dinosaur, they didn't automatically get arrested as one may have predicted (maybe even wanted). New York and America were talking with who looked like the head officer, showing him an ID of some sort, then returned. As they walked back to the group, the guards dispersed again, albeit rather grudgingly.

"Alright," said New York, getting right to business, "we bailed you out, now you pay. Hand over your credit cards." Too bewildered to properly respond, the trio handed over their cards. New York collected them and handed them to America.

" _I'm_ not paying for your gas. _They_ are." France, Spain, and Prussia considered protesting, but wisely chose not to.

"Cool!" Said America, grinning like a madman and pocketing the credit cards. "I guess we'll play Rock Paper Scissors or pick a random card at every gas station." The trio cursed mentally.

"Let's get out of here now," said New York. "I'm not in the mood to get caught by the cops again." Everyone silently agreed as they made their way towards the escalators.

 **Note: WOOOOOOOW THAT TOOK A LONG TIME, SORRY. Here; as payment, have scolding mother England.(A ton o' stuff came up! School and other things, however chap. 4 is already being worked on! I'm not going to promise times though! I'm really sorry!) We are now no longer on hiatus, so please stay tuned for more! Sorry for the wait, and thank you for reading our story!**

*Caimans are reptiles similar to crocodiles. They are more closely related to the prehistoric ancestors of these reptiles than alligators and crocodiles (I think).

*If you're wondering why an ant is so dangerous, pain from their bite is similar to being shot, and although you won't die, the bite can cause cause temporary paralysis in that area of your body.


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